1) I ate cookies from the trash (after putting them there myself after baking a fresh batch, feeling out of control, and trying not to eat the whole batch… without success).
2) I often sneaked out by pretending I was going for a walk but secretly planning on going to the nearest store to get chocolate (and eating it all before I came back home).
3) I often baked dessert for dinner but being unable to resist the temptation and ate most of it… then finished it all to destroy the evidence (it easier to pretend it didn’t happen rather than serve a 3/4-eaten dessert).
4) I would sometimes make double the recipe for a dessert so I could binge while increasing the odds of having something left to serve at dinner and feel like I didn’t bake just for me.
5) I hid food in secret places after going grocery shopping so I would have a secret stash without having anyone complaining I ate all the plantain chips / chocolate / other treats.
6) I used to often binge / overeat at the end of the afternoon (after trying to restrict my foods for a few days… or just a few hours…) and then forcing myself to eat dinner as usual with my family, even if I was already feeling so uncomfortably full, so I wouldn’t have to confess what I did.
7) I hid tempting foods in multiple containers, like Russian dolls, with many elastic bands wrapped around them to try to stop me from eating them… in vain.
8) I had to replenish my husband’s or roommate’s treats, feeling like I was carrying on a James Bond’s mission, after eating part or all of these treats.
9) I tried keeping the house safe by not bringing any of my “trigger foods” only to find myself making the weirdest concoctions to binge on. I managed to binge on pounds of puréed carrots, weird mixtures with flour, butter and sugar, or even bananas which I don’t even like to start with.
10) I once taped my favorite chocolate bars, chocolate chips, and plantain chips on a giant poster that I put in a visible location with “motivating” words to help me practice my willpower… and had eaten everything on it by the end of the first week!
11) I would look forward to being home alone, even coming up with creative ways to make others leave, so I could eat.
Feeling like I’m out of control or like an addict. Feeling like I can’t trust myself or my body. Feeling like food was my only everything (pleasure, comfort, reward, break from life, solace, adventure … and even my only true friend!).
And most of all, feeling so alone, inadequate, and ashamed. 🙁
And the good news is that I’m now helping others heal their relationship with food too. Click here for more info about the Radicata SEED Protocol.
I offer both private 1:1 coaching and group classes. 🙂
What is the worse thing YOU did with food?